How to deal with failures?
You were always wrong about the word!
"When Nature wants to drill a man,
And thrill a man.
And skill a man.
When Nature wants to mold a man
To play the noblest part;
When she yearns with all her heart
To create so great and bold a man
That all the world shall praise-
Watch her method, watch her ways!
How she ruthlessly perfects
Whom she royally elects;
How she hammers him and hurts him....."
- Angela Morgan, When Nature Wants a Man.
Angela's words are astounding and relieving. You can only see how Nature tries to change you in subtle ways. You can ask now,
How to deal with failures?
The Oxford Dictionary defines failure as a lack of success. This is where you go wrong, Oxford!
What if failure actually means a lack of success, and we are misusing this word? There is also something known as a mistake or a temporary defeat.
Colonel Sanders failed 1009 times as sources say. J.k. Rowling, Dr. Seuss, Walt Disney, Tony Robbins, Jim Carrey, Charlie Chaplin, Abraham Lincoln, Keanu Reeves, Sylvester Stallone, Stephen King, Thomas Edison, Oprah Winfrey, Henry Ford, Rowan Atkinson, Steve Jobs, Elon Musk, etc. are just to name a few who have gone through unbelievably tough circumstances to rise to the top.
Are they supernatural beings? Hell, not! Then what makes them so unique and special. When you get to the core, you will realize that they were just like you!
What makes them different?
Angela Morgan's poem resonates well with these people. With each mistake they made, they learned. There is a difference between making mistakes and failure. If you have not yet read out my blog on mistakes, do give it a read. Things will become more crystal clear.
https://www.yashkedia.com/2020/08/mistakes-are-good.html
You are bound to make mistakes as a human being. Your only task is to learn from them as much as possible.
The feedback mechanism
This mechanism is no rocket science. It is just taking feedback from your mistakes. Let me give you an example at a micro-level.
Let us say that you have come across a mathematical sum that is tough to solve. You scratch your head, and you finally shout Eureka!
To your dismay, you discover that your solution is incorrect. This disheartens you for you have spent a lot of time with it. You believed it to be correct, but it was not.
When you see the solution yourself, you find that you had calculated an equation wrong. You got the wrong value of x.
Definitely, you have different processes to reach an answer, but the answer must be correct. Does it not hold true for mistakes made in life?
You find the wrong value of x, and you suffer. You gave up the sum. You give up. All it required was to get back to the problem and correct the value.
You term it as a failure.
How does the feedback mechanism work here?
It works just by having an eye for feedbacks! The wrong value you discovered was feedback for you to take extra care with another x in the future. Once you have learned from that, you can move on and practice more of such stuff.
Here is another example of a feedback mechanism. Whenever you are in a hotel, after a delicious meal, the waiter brings you a feedback form. What does it do? It helps the hotel to bring you a better dish next time. It might help to improve its ambiance or the quality of experience that you can buy from a good hotel.
Failures are not setbacks but feedbacks.
Failure is not the end of your story.
Yes, failures will haunt you. They haunt because they hurt your emotions. Your brain will pay more attention to failures in your life than your successes. Your brain does more to avoid pain than to gain pleasure. It does not want pain again and thus seeks improvement.
A baby falls down again and again before it learns to walk. Walking is a simple activity, and yet that takes time.
If you are a student, failing in your exams can be a huge setback for you. However, if you keep in mind the feedback mechanism I mentioned earlier, failures will become just feedbacks.
A dangerous reason why you hate failing
The media is the reason for all the suicides due to failure. I do understand the advantages of media. However, this harsh fact cannot be ignored.
Society and the media never showcase your failure stories. You, as an individual, seek attention. You are conditioned since your childhood to abhor failures. It is good to detest failures to not repeat them again. However, hatred mustn't be strong enough to stop you from doing something.
Internet and media channels are flooded with baits to grab your attention. The more you pay attention, the more they earn money. This is how the world works!
You fall into the trap of believing them without any analysis. You will always see a boy or girl your age winning accolades. You may get jealous. The media knows how to hit your brain.
Accept failures and move on.
When you embrace failures, you embrace life. Learning from your failures and moving on in life is the wisest thing you can do. Either you can brood over your failures or convert them into sweet experiences.
Ask any successful people, and they will accredit their past failures for where they are.
You do not live long enough to make mistakes and learn. I learn from your experiences, and you learn from mine. You have limited experiences, but you can get wiser than most people if you know how to use others' experiences as well.
Napolean Hill, in his book The Law of Success in Sixteen Lessons, writes in a Chapter on Failure,
"...At least refrain from accepting any defeat as a failure until you shall have had time to analyze the final result."
Keep in mind to try not to fail, but if you do, it is time for honest feedback! Embrace failures.
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